


Breaking Inside

by amiyade



Category: Captain Harlock
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings Are Confusing, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Harlock is a total Edgelord, I sure as hell don't know, Lots of drama, M/M, Post-Movie, Tochiro's consciousness is living in the ship, Unresolved Sexual Tension, except the first part, how do you space battle, i'm borrowing names and small details from the animes, i'm using the japanese names because of reasons, no real plot, so the Arcadia talks, well if you squint hard enough there might be something like a plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2019-07-15 06:52:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16057817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiyade/pseuds/amiyade
Summary: Nothing makes you question your life choices quite like dangling over molten lava and ending up being rescued by the man you were sent to kill.aka. Yama has a lot of thinking to do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I watched the 2013 Captain Harlock movie one day and I have problems ever since. This story was supposed to be like 2 or 3 small chapters (mostly porn...), but the guys just wouldn't work with me the way I wanted and it kinda got out of hand... I decided to put it out here anyway. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> The fic's theme song is from [Shinedown](https://youtu.be/LEx-HYsmOQ8) again, it's so accurate I want to cry.

Yama’s conscience told him to come, but now that he was at the Captain’s cabin he wasn’t so sure anymore. Harlock was standing by a little table, looking at something in front of him. He gave no indication that he noticed him, even though his steps on the wooden floor must have alerted him of Yama’s presence.

He could still turn around and leave, but Yama forced himself to go in further. His steps rang way too loud in his ears in the silence of the room.

“What is it?” Harlock asked, without turning toward him. His sharp voice stopped Yama in his tracks. He hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“I just wanted to say thank you for saving my life,” there, he said it. Harlock turned his head to look at him for a moment.

“I told you already, as long as you are on this ship, you are one of us. You are my responsibility.” He looked away again, staring out of the window to Earth knows what. Yama knew he should leave the whole issue at that; he did what he came here for, he should leave and let it be. But a small voice in the back of his mind wouldn’t let him. He walked closer, stopping a few feet away from the Captain.

“No other captain I know would have done it; none of the Gaia Sanction's ranking officers would risk their lives for someone, who was sent there to kill them. Why did you?” Yama congratulated himself for the firmness in his voice, he did not actually feel in himself.

Harlock slowly turned to him and looked at him with an unreadable expression. He was an expert at hiding his emotions and it frustrated Yama to no end. Especially since he knew how expressing his looks could be. Harlock’s face painted red and orange by the lava, the little smile on his lips… Yama was not likely to forget that moment down on the shuttle.

“I have no other answer for you, Yama.” The Captain’s empty voice brought him out of his thoughts. Yama’s hands balled into fists.

“Did you know this would happen? You saved me, so I would owe you?” Suddenly he remembered Kei telling the crew that the mission was dangerous. Something crossed Harlock’s face, but the expression was too quick for Yama to recognise. He leaned his hip on the table, crossing his arms over his chest.  

“The worm was a calculated risk, but no, I didn’t know.” He tilted his head to the side. “Why are you so angry about this?”

The question caught Yama off guard. He looked away, searching for the right words.

“I… I just don’t understand.” That was the truth; it made no sense. The answer could not be so simple, not when it came to the most wanted man in the universe. “You didn’t tell anyone about me, either,” his voice came out more accusatory, than he intended. Harlock stared at him for a few moments; it made Yama hot under the collar.

“There is no need for them to know where you came from, everyone’s past is their own business.” The Captain still looked at him with the same intense gaze and Yama was sure there was something he wasn’t telling him. But he wasn’t exactly in the position to demand answers; he realised he was pushing his luck. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to leave, something kept him there.

“Do you always give the benefit of the doubt so easily?”

A hint of a smile appeared on the Captain’s lips at that question. “Easily? No. But you can learn a lot about people in a hundred years.” The smile disappeared and a curious look took its place. “You could have gotten rid of Kei down on the planet, but you didn’t. Why?”

Yama looked away, avoiding the penetrating gaze that made him feel like Harlock could see right into his soul. He remembered that moment all too vividly, but Kei wasn’t his target, there was no reason to harm her. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. He shook his head.

“This has nothing to do with her.”

Harlock’s only reaction was a slight eyebrow rise and Yama rushed to continue. “I didn’t come here to argue.”

“Then _why_ are you here?” Harlock took a step closer dropping his arms to his side, now they were only one step apart. Yama forced himself to look at the Captain. His face was impassive, but his stare almost burned his skin. The scene played yet again in Yama’s head with utmost detail. Harlock falling from the sky, dragging him to the safety of the pilot cabin, looking him dead in the eye, as if the pistol wasn’t even there, his face as he touched his hand…

“Nothing changes the fact, that I owe you my life and I’m grateful for that,” Yama stated and acted upon the sudden urge. He took the last step, placed his hands on the Captain’s chest and went on tiptoes to press his lips to Harlock’s. He went rigid under Yama’s touch, but Yama was already drawing away, taking a step back and dropping his eyes. He turned around and hurried away without another word. Thankfully, Harlock let him.

 

***

 

It was finally quiet; only the hums of machines working the ship could be heard and Harlock let the tiredness spread in his body. He only meant to check on the central computer, but now that he was sitting at his usual spot, he didn’t feel like standing up again.

They’d lost their pursuers two star systems ago; Gaia’s ships were no match in speed to the _Arcadia_ , even in the broken state she was in when they left Earth. At last it was time to recover. The last few days took their toll on them. It will take time until everything would be completely restored, himself included.

He heard the slow footsteps echoing in the empty corridor, but he was bound to ignore it and only looked up when the noise continued to come his way. He saw Yama walk among the cables with careful steps. He stopped a few feet away from him, watching the computer, the blinking lights painted colours on his pale face. They stayed in a comfortable silence, but Harlock could see on the boy’s face that his mind was working.

He lost a lot in the past days, Harlock knew how that felt. Still, he was standing, his face wore the mark of the events of the last few days, but the confusion and hesitation was gone from his stance. Growing up fast, seeing much in little time. Yet the weight on his shoulders didn’t crush him, it made him stand up straighter, keeping his head high and looking forward. It was something Harlock found himself admiring. He wasn’t sure he could regain his belief in mankind, but maybe he could have hope in Yama.

“I guess I need to thank you, for stopping my brother,” the boy said without looking at him. His voice was quiet, but steady. He seemed calm or maybe just exhausted after everything.

Harlock huffed out an unamused laugh. “There is no need for that. I killed your brother, because that was the fastest solution. You have every right to resent me for that.”

Harlock watched the brothers’ struggle; so much hate, yet none of them had the real intent to kill the other. Just as he thought; that was why he followed the boy that was why he made that choice neither of them could. Yama looked at him, he seemed to think on his words, but Harlock couldn’t read the look on his face.

“Right now I am grateful that it was you who took the shot. We needed to stop him. I thought I hated him enough after everything; still, I couldn’t…” he trailed off, shaking his head and looked away.

“Hating your brother is one thing, hating him enough to kill him yourself is something else entirely,” Harlock offered, pushing the other three Deathshadow captains’ unbidden memory away. Yama looked at him again and Harlock forced himself to bear the weight of his gaze. Yama was hurting and some of that pain was Harlock’s fault. After all the boy did love his brother.

“It was all my fault,” now Yama’s voice shook and his hands balled into fists.

“You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“I know, but I want to tell you. I want you to know.”

There was nothing Harlock could say to that. He just nodded and waited for him to continue. Yama stood there silently for a time, then walked to him and sank to the floor on his left side, leaning his back to the metal cable case Harlock was sitting on.

“Mother was a botanist; it was her dream to make her favourite flower bloom on Mars.” Yama pulled his knees up, hugging them with his arms and staring ahead. “After she was… gone, the flowers were all that was left of her. I felt if I lost those flowers I would lose her memory; I wanted them to bloom so badly. I got careless,” he paused, taking a deep breath. “There was an explosion in the greenhouse. Isora got paralyzed. Nami never recovered. For my own selfishness I robbed their future from them. And now both are dead because of me,” his voice cracked and he dropped his head on his knees. After a few moments Harlock reached out, placing his hand carefully on the boy’s head. A sob escaped him at the tentative touch. Harlock moved his hand on his back and shoulders, drawing soothing circles on them as Yama let his grief out. There were no words that would dull the pain of destroying everything you wanted to protect. Harlock knew that from experience.

After a time, Yama stilled next to him, yet Harlock left his arm draped over his shoulder. Only when the boy moved, stretched his legs and bumped his shoulder to Harlock’s thigh did he realize how close they were.

Harlock reached into his pocket, pulling out a handkerchief and presented it to Yama. The boy stared at it like he didn’t know what to do with it, but eventually took it and rubbed his face clean. He took a deep and steady breath and looked up at Harlock. His eye was red, but clear, his lips parted and Harlock clenched his fists to stop them from touching Yama’s face. His eye wandered on Harlock’s face, then lower and he jolted up.

“You are bleeding!” Yama moved to kneel in front of him, his hands hovering over him, not quite sure what to do with them. Harlock had to resist the urge the smile.

“It’s nothing you should concern yourself about.”

Yama glared at him. “I still do, let me see it. Please.”

Maybe it was the concern in his eye, or the way he said ‘please’, but with a sigh Harlock unbuckled his cape, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. He opened the clasp at his throat to be able to open the zipper of his jacket, he suppressed a wince as he pulled on his injuries in the process. He lifted his undershirt exposing his torso and watched Yama’s face grow more serious as his eye moved over his skin. Harlock looked away, he didn’t need to see to know how things looked. He knew exactly why the boy was silent. He had at least two cuts on his left side, bullet wounds on the other and old scars. His skin was almost as grey as the dark matter leaking from the wounds. It wasn’t something Yama could see, only a shimmering as it was restoring the damaged tissue in a slow and irritating process. He looked back when he felt Yama’s touch. With an ungloved hand he tentatively brushed his fingers around the cut on his side. His skin was warm.

“Does it hurt?”

Harlock couldn’t see his face, but there was only concern in his voice.

“It is bearable,” he answered, longing to see, yet dreading the expression the boy might wear.

“So it is true, you are indeed immortal,” Yama looked up, a hint of humour shining in his eye and Harlock found himself speechless. Staring at Yama’s face, the small smile playing on his lips he suddenly remembered the touch of those lips. Only a fleeting kiss, but it was vivid in his mind.

“How does that even work?” Yama asked dragging Harlock out of his daze.

“I’m not sure. My body, just as the whole ship is intertwined with dark matter. It… remembers its original shape and works to restore it. This is why we can’t make any modification on the ship. Whenever the dark matter is activated it turns back everything as it was,” his voice sounded detached even for his own ears. When was the last time he bothered to explain it to someone? When was the last time someone bothered to ask?

“That’s amazing,” Yama’s voice sounded sincere, maybe even a bit awed. Harlock let out another huff.

“Usually that’s not the word people use.”

“They are stupid.” Again, Yama said that with such conviction Harlock couldn’t stop his smile. “Are you going to be alright?”

He looked at the boy, his honest worry made a warm feeling worm itself into his chest.

“Yes. You should worry about yourself.” He raised his left hand and placed it on Yama’s face, his thumb brushing the skin below the eye-patch. “You should see the doctor with this. It could be inflamed.”

Yama’s eye darted between his eye and mouth several times and suddenly Harlock was aware of the boy’s hands on his thighs. He saw Yama swallow and his lips parted. Harlock knew he shouldn’t, he still leaned forward, pulling Yama to himself and capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. The boy’s lips were dry, but so warm. Harlock meant to pull back, but Yama’s tongue darted out, tasting him and he couldn’t resist. He felt the boy’s hands slide up to his side, fingers digging into his muscles. He did pull back this time, stopping Yama when he tried to follow him. He brushed his thumb on Yama’s lips. The boy seemed dazzled, his eye slowly focusing on his face. He blinked several times and at that moment, even with the flush on his face he looked exhausted, just as Harlock felt himself. This wasn’t the right time for things like this.

“Please, go see the doctor.”

After a few silent moments Yama nodded, looking away and avoiding his gaze as he stood up and walked away.

_“You are acting foolish again.”_

Looking up at the machinery beside himself Harlock huffed out a small laugh. “I am, ain’t I?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short.  
> Just to lay down some stuff then we move on to more interesting parts ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Another round of cheer went up as the man hit the floor and Kei let out a victorious laugh. Yama found himself smiling, the papers forgotten in his hands. Kei offered her hand to her floored opponent and pulled him to his feet.

“Maybe next time, Shiro,” she clapped him on the shoulder, sending him away with a grin. She looked around. “Who’s next? What about you, Yama?”

Yama jolted up as everyone’s attention turned towards him. He thought he was standing far enough from the crowd to stay undetected, but he should have known better.

“I… I have things to do. Some other time?” He waved the papers in his hand and turned to leave. An uneasy silence followed him.

He liked watching the trainings, he liked the easy atmosphere. He could tell it was for the sake of keeping in shape, just as much as it served as entertainment. But he didn’t feel he could be a part of it. Not yet.

“Yama, wait up!”

He startled, stopping and turning back to see Kei jog his way along the corridor.

“How long do you plan on only watching?” She probably didn’t mean it as an accusation, still for Yama it sounded like one.

“I can see the looks some give me, the last thing I need is you kicking my ass in front of everyone.” Yama fought not to let the grimace form on his face. Kei studied him with a calculating gaze for a few moments. Yama didn’t like what he saw on her face.

“You don’t have combat training?” She asked eventually. Yama frowned.

“Only the basics. They were more focused on weapons.” And by ‘ _they’,_ he meant his brother and Gaia and given the look in Kei’s eyes she understood. Another reminder of his questionable life choices.

“You really need to…” she trailed off, then her face softened. “How about I give you lessons away from them?”

Yama blinked at her in surprise. “You’d be willing to train me?”

“Why not? It’s all in our best interest for you to be ready for everything. What is it?” She asked when Yama’s face got sour.

“I don’t think everyone agrees. They don’t trust me and I can’t say I blame them for it. I changed sides three times in the span of a few days.” Yama forced himself not to look away, he couldn’t hide from this. Unwavering blue eyes stared back at him.

“They are just frustrated with everything that happened. Some hold grudges longer than others, give them time,” Kei shrugged, but her voice was gentle.

Yama chewed on the inside of his lower lip, but after a few moments of hesitation he asked: “What about you? You don’t hold a grudge against me?”

Kei didn’t answer him right away and again Yama fought to bear her gaze.

“As I see it,” she started looking away, “things would have been a lot different were you not around. You saved us from execution. Some would argue we’d never been even captured weren’t it for you, but I don’t know.” She stepped up to the wall, leaning her back to it and looking at him, her face serious.

“Eventually we’d have reached Earth to plant the last warhead. Maybe we’d have dodged Gaia maybe not, but I don’t think any of us could have changed the Captain’s mind about his plan. That was all you.”

Yama wasn’t sure what to make of what he saw on her face. Sadness, a bit of accusation, disappointment. Surely it must have been a shock to her to learn about Harlock’s real plan. And the fact that he would have let everything burn, including them. He had no idea what to say, so they stayed in silence.

“Besides,” Kei said after a sigh, “as I heard you’re now just like us: a man with nowhere else to go.” It wasn’t mocking, only stating a fact. Maybe with a hint of sympathy, so Yama answered in kind.

“The last of my family is dead, because I failed them more than once. I plan to do better this time.” He looked her straight in the eyes, willing her to see the honesty and determination he felt.

“That’s good to hear. I’d have hated if I had to kill you after all this.” Her voice was teasing, but the look on her face didn’t leave any doubt that the threat was real. Yama nodded, keeping his face serious to show he understood.

 

 

“You are not trying hard enough.”

“Yes, I am!”

“People will see your blind side and will want to take advantage of it. You need to learn how to defend it.”

“How am I supposed to defend against something I can’t see?” Yama threw his hands up in a frustrated gesture. Kei rolled her eyes and Yama opened his mouth to say something definitely not nice, but another voice beat him.

“There is always more you need to rely on in a fight, than sight.”

They both turned toward the voice with a start. “Captain.”

Harlock was standing by the door to the little storage room Kei promoted to be their training space in the last week. How long has he been there?

“Kei, I’ll take over from here, go and check on our course.” He walked in with a few long steps, placing himself between Yama and the door. Was he thinking he would flee or what?

Yama exchanged a look with Kei, then she nodded and walked out of the room.

“Thanks, Kei!” Yama called after her. She turned her head to shoot him a quick smile. He couldn’t decide if it was encouraging or pitying. Then she was gone. Yama looked back at the Captain.

Harlock moved to the boxes in one corner. He unclasped his cape and draped it on the pile. After putting down his sword and gun as well he walked back to stand before him.

“Ready?” he asked and Yama had to swallow. His eyes danced over the Captain, standing tall, his single eye burning into his. Suddenly he realised this was the first time they were alone since that time after they escaped Earth, after the kiss they shared. Not that anything else has happened ever since. As a matter of fact Harlock acted like nothing happened to the point that Yama thought the whole scene was made up by his tired brain. But then he thought at the now clean handkerchief he carried around ever since.

No, he wasn’t ready, but he nodded anyway.

 

 

To say that Yama was confused barely covered the situation.

After the initial tense week following their escape from Earth life on the _Arcadia_ fell back to normal. At least according to Kei it was normal for the crew to laze and fool around most of the time, basically doing whatever the hell they wanted.

Yama did his best to keep himself occupied with training under Kei’s tutelage and trying to learn everything about the ship and its crew. Well at least to the degree they let him.

Then there was the Captain. Normally the crew didn’t see a lot of him, but it was different with Yama. There was the special combat training. He brought Yama on tours of the ship, explaining the basic operations and workings of it. Yama thought this was the Captain’s way of keeping an eye on him. Just until he won everyone’s trust back. It was a slow process and not everyone was happy about him standing beside the Captain, but no one questioned Harlock’s decision. At least not openly. But that was to be expected.

Also that was the time he noticed it. He wouldn’t say the Captain was shadowing him, but he did show up at moments just before a conflict would erupt. Just at the right moment Harlock would be there and he’d order the captious person away or send Yama on his way with some assignment. He still had his fair share of confrontations, but somehow Harlock always seemed to know when the situation was bad.

Yama also found him watching him several times; not only when Yama was giving out orders, but when he was chatting with the crew, playing cards with Yattaran and the others or just staring out at the stars on the bridge. And lately he kept on looking even when Yama caught him.

Then there was the training. At one point Harlock wanted him to learn fencing of all things. Yama didn’t see much point in learning to use a sword. He was already a pretty good shot with a gun, but the Captain only told him that being familiar with more weapons could give him an edge in a fight. Yama still didn’t see how that could come in handy, but he wasn’t about to say no to spend more time with Harlock. But soon he had the raising feeling that he wasn’t cut for swordplay. It was so different from what he was used to. Harlock made it look so easy. Yama was frustrated and not only because he was struggling with his lessons.

“Again,” came the command and Yama took a deep breath lunging forward. He miscalculated again. Harlock simply moved to the side hitting Yama’s sword out of his hand as he stumbled forward. Yama could already see himself fall face first to the ground when Harlock grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. His arm was twisted to his back, the Captain’s fingers closing around his wrist. Yama’s back hit Harlock’s chest as he raised his sword to Yama’s throat. The metal was cold as it touched under his chin, lifting his head up. Were it a real blade it would have cut his skin. Yama was breathing hard and closed his eye in defeat, waiting for the Captain to let him go. But he didn’t. Yama could feel Harlock’s chest rise and fall behind him, the heat radiating from his body at his back. The blade left his throat, but the hand still held his wrist and Yama gave in to the urge and dropped his head back on Harlock’s shoulder. He felt the Captain lean in and take a deep breath and Yama let himself melt against the body behind himself. His heart was beating like crazy and not because of the exercise. But way too soon Harlock released him, so suddenly Yama almost stumbled as the Captain stepped around him. Keeping his back to Yama he kicked the practice sword Yama dropped toward him.

“What was that about?” Yama blurted out without thinking.

“Your balance is still off. You can’t throw yourself into every attack expecting your opponent to meet your blade head on.” Harlock turned to face him, his face as impassive as ever. Yama pursed his lips together. _That’s not what I meant and you know it!_ He wanted to shout, but learned already, that if Harlock wanted to ignore something he would no matter what Yama said or did. But _something_ happened just now between them. And it wasn’t the first time either. Yama remembered clearly when they were sparring, and whenever Harlock pinned him down he would keep Yama there a few seconds more than necessary. Like now. He recalled those times, Harlock’s intense gaze pinning him to his place more that his body was. Yet in the next moment it was all gone, Harlock released him and acted like nothing happened.

“Again,” Harlock said pulling Yama out of his thoughts. He clenched his jaw, but picked up the sword again, pushing the thoughts of the closeness of Harlock’s body to the back of his mind and trying to concentrate on what he was doing. It wasn’t easy.

But that was all. Neither of them made any move since Harlock kissed him after their escape from Earth.

It didn’t seem right at that time. It never seemed right. Yama’s own emotions were nothing more than a sack of tangled up snakes. The loss of his brother stayed with him as a dull pressure in his heart; he wasn’t sure it’d ever go away. Nami’s loss was more like a stab of hot pain, remorse and regret crushing his mind whenever he thought about her. There were just so many things he wished he could have said to her. He watched her last message more times than he could or dared to count and one night a tiny voice spoke in the back of his mind just as the hologram faded in front of him.

_You didn’t even visit her once._

It was like something pushed all the air out of his lungs and for a moment he wasn’t able to fill them again. He was so sure she would hate him because of what he did, he didn’t have the courage to face her. To face what he had done. All these years he was running away. _You don’t have the right to say you loved her_.

The thoughts chased him from his bed and he wandered aimlessly on the empty corridors of the ship. Tears burned his eyes he wasn’t able to shed. Only hazy bits came to his mind, whenever he tried to think back on that night, he only remembered running into Harlock. The Captain took one look at him and he placed his hand on the back of his head, pulling Yama to himself. As he pressed Yama’s head to his chest, his other arm going around him, whatever kept Yama’s emotions quelled broke down. He told him everything between desperate sobs. Harlock leaned his back on a wall and kept Yama from falling to the floor. He held him close until Yama run out of tears.

There was that awful moment when Yama finally calmed down and realized he was still pressed close to Harlock. He didn’t think he could face him, now that he cried his heart out to the Captain for the second time. He was painfully aware of the wet patch he left on the Captain’s clothes. But staying there wasn’t an option. Even if it felt good. Maybe too good.

When Yama mustered up all his courage and pulled away averting his gaze, Harlock let him, only telling him in a sympathetic tone to get some sleep before he walked away. Yama was left in the corridor a bit dumbfounded and staring after the Captain with his racing heart.

Yes, Yama was more than confused, but for the first time he let himself feel the pull Harlock had on his heart without holding back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the point when these two idiots started to defy me and acted nothing like I'd have liked them to. Get ready for DRAMA people :D

The days following Yama’s most recent breakdown went on with a strange sense of calm. For the first time in a long while his emotions weren’t suffocating him. He let them flow and wasn’t surprised when they pointed towards the Captain. They were there for a time now, but Yama thought his fascination with Harlock would go away. It didn’t.

And the Captain’s behaviour definitely didn’t help. Maybe Yama was just imagining things, reading too much into something that wasn’t really there, but his every interaction with Harlock indicated otherwise. And he wanted to believe he was right with every cell in his body.

He thought a lot about how to test the waters, so to speak, but he always came to the same conclusion: he never was one for subtlety.

They were hiding in deep space after a successful raid when Yama decided to confront the Captain. He found him in his room, sitting by the table with a glass of bourbon in front of him. Miime was sitting on the couch, her legs outstretched on the red upholstery, casually sipping her drink. She looked at him, her big eyes focused, but Yama still couldn’t read anything from her face. He wasn’t sure anyone could. Harlock looked up too, keeping his gaze on him. Yama could barely make out his features as his hair painted shadows on his face, still something run up his spine from his look, making him shiver.

“Yama.”

The spell was broken as Miime called out his name and Yama forced himself to look away from the Captain.

“Miime,” he greeted her, turning to her. “Could I have a word with the Captain, in private?”

For a few unnerving moments she stared at him; he couldn’t decide if her eyes were knowing or disinterested. Then she looked away drinking the rest of her bourbon in one go. She stood up, placing the glass on the table.

“Harlock,” she said, her voice strangely stern as she turned her head to him.

“I know,” the Captain said without looking up; he sounded resigned and maybe a bit annoyed. After a long second Miime turned away and walked out without another word. Yama looked after her, wondering what that was about, but decided he shouldn’t complicate things further.

They both stayed silent after the sound of Miime’s steps died down. Harlock was staring into his drink as Yama stared at him.

“I’ve come to a decision,” Yama stated when the silence started to unnerve him. His voice came out less firm than he planned. Looking at Harlock’s impassive face wasn’t encouraging either, it made him feel like he was imagining things after all.

“About what?” Harlock asked not looking up and Yama had to remind himself of all the signs he spent night after night wondering about.

“About you. About us.”

That finally made Harlock raise his eye to him, but Yama wasn’t sure what he saw in his gaze.

“There is no _us._ ” He took a sip before placing the glass back on the table without breaking eye contact. A cold feeling grabbed Yama’s heart, but he forced himself to step to the table, placing his hands on it and leaning forward. He frowned at the Captain, frustration rising in him.

“Isn’t there? Your actions indicate otherwise.”

Harlock didn’t deny it, but he only kept looking at him intensely. That look gave Yama the push he needed to say what he came here to say.

“I got on this ship, because I was told to, but even I could see why your men followed you, why they would believe in a crazy plan like yours. I too felt drawn to you. Maybe something even more. Then everything went to shit. Things happened that made me question how I looked at certain things, how I looked at the world.” He had to take a deep breath. “But I got over all that and I still feel the same pull. Stronger than ever.”

Harlock moved so suddenly it made Yama jump. The Captain stood in one movement and stepped away. Yama rounded the table with a few long strides and stood in front of Harlock, not letting him turn away from him.

“Tell me to leave and I will,” Yama said, crowding the Captain. With the last remnants of his resolve he placed his left hand on Harlock’s face, brushing his thumb under his lower lip. Harlock’s silence was all the answer he needed. Yama lifted his chin, but before their lips touched the man slipped from his grasp and sidestepped him.

“You have no idea what’s really going on,” the Captain said, his voice quiet and strained with anger.

“Tell me then. Help me understand!” Yama turned after him, opening his arms in a helpless gesture, staring at the other man’s back. A thought occurred to him and he dropped his arms.

“You are immortal, you don’t want to get attached to someone you will lose.” He felt a wave of shame wash over him for not thinking of that earlier.

“I already made that mistake a long time ago.”

Yama thought of the crew and wondered not for the first time whether there was ever someone who managed to get that close to the Captain. Did he have family, before all… this? Harlock half turned back, looking at him with a small frown.

“But it’s not about just me. You might not have noticed the change yet, but I did. The ship accepts you and in time the crew will too. But the _Arcadia_ doesn’t need two captains.” He turned his head away, looking out the windows.

Yama’s brows drew together in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“The only reason I survived a century ago was, because I had a wish. All these years I kept on living, because I had a purpose. I have neither now. The legend will live on, but I won’t.” Harlock still wouldn’t look at him.

“You think you’re dying,” Yama realised. The Captain turned to him then and the expression on his face felt like a cold dagger in Yama’s chest.

“I can feel it. My life is bound to the dark matter in this ship and when that leaves me I will die,” he sounded so indifferent it made Yama angry. He stepped in front of him, glaring at him hard.

“That doesn’t make any sense, the ship needs her captain, why would it—” his eye went wide when the Captain’s earlier words fit in place. “No…”

“You were exposed to the dark matter during the fight. The transition began the moment you touched the helm. It wasn’t my will that made the _Arcadia_ lift off from Earth. It was yours.” Harlock’s voice was like he was talking about the weather. Was it resignation or indifference?

Yama clenched his jaw to stop the words first coming to his mind. It took effort to relax his jaw enough to say: “I won’t accept this!”

“That has little relevance. This is what’s happening and there is nothing we can do about it.”

“Or maybe you just gave up, and there is nothing you _want_ to do about it.” Yama couldn’t help the glare, but Harlock seemed utterly unimpressed.

“And why should I? Whatever I worked toward in the last hundred years had been for nothing, my dedication was destroyed by your hope. What am I supposed to do? Watch for another hundred years as the world I destroyed struggles to survive?” He spoke with a vehemence Yama rarely heard from him. Yama shook his head.

“You can still protect it, as you swore to do it. Help it recover.”

“It’s not possible to remove the taint of the dark matter from the planet, you think I didn’t look for a way to do that?” Anger flared in Harlock’s voice again.

“I think,” Yama started making his words come out slow and firm, “your priorities might have been clouded. I think you were so focused on what you thought was the right thing to do, that you didn’t think about other solutions. Now that the truth about Earth is out, maybe we could find people, scientists, engineers, who could figure out something.”

Harlock pressed his lips together, staring at him. “And then what? Witness another Homecoming War?”

Yama clenched his fingers into fists because he felt the urge to tear at his hair.

“Why is it that you can only see the darkness?”

“Because that’s all I’ve seen in the last hundred years,” Harlock’s voice was quiet, defeated. It was worse than if he would have shouted. “Humanity is alone in the universe and even we don’t deserve our place in it.” The look on his face made Yama’s throat close up.

“We or you?”

Harlock stared at him, stunned. Yama stepped to him, placing his hand on Harlock’s chest.

“You carried this burden long enough. Once you destroyed the world, now you have the chance to save it.” Yama poured every bit of hope he had into his words, praying that it would reach the Captain.

Harlock raised his hand to Yama’s face, but dropped it before touching. “You are so unbearably naïve.” He took a step back and Yama let his hand fall to his side.

He pressed his lips in a thin line in order to keep himself from opening them. He felt like he could scream from frustration. It was like trying to reason with a rock. They stared at each other and Yama was desperately searching for something, anything to say, but he didn’t get his chance.

_“Captain.”_ Yattaran’s voice made Yama jump as the communicator on the side table came to life. _“It’s the Gaia network.”_

After a heartbeat Harlock stepped away from Yama to the table.

“What about it?” He asked after activating the device.

_“Every channel is the same. Some kind of announcement. I think you should see this.”_

“I’ll be right there.”

There was silence and Yama expected Harlock to walk away without a word. He felt defeated.

To his surprise Harlock walked back to him and carefully touched his face.

“The ship needs a new captain. The only thing I can bring is darkness. I don’t want to see your light destroyed by it.”

Yama felt the frustration and confusion rise in him again. If Harlock really wanted to drive him away, he was doing an awful job. This was infuriating. Yama leaned in, waiting for Harlock to pull away, but he didn’t. Their lips touched and Yama’s hands grabbed the front of the Captain’s cape, pulling him in. He licked his way into Harlock’s mouth when he opened it, allowing the kiss to go on. He even responded, his hand shifting to the back of Yama’s head, keeping him close. Yama realised he was waiting for this to happen for so long now. In the end it was him pulling away and looking up at the Captain. His face was closed off and Yama would have given everything to know what was going on in his head.

“You can’t do this. You can’t push me away with your words and pull me back with your hands,” he couldn’t keep the accusation out of his voice. He needed to push, because things couldn’t go on like this.

“You are right,” Harlock’s voice was soft, and a glimmer of hope appeared in Yama’s heart. “It won’t happen again.” The Captain dropped his hand and moved away. Yama’s hands felt numb and the fabric of Harlock’s clothes slip from his fingers as he stepped away. Yama glared at him, but he was already turning away, walking out without another word. Yama felt like a bucket of cold water was poured over his head. Anger and hurt flared in him; he pressed his lips together, stopping the shout that was pushing on his throat.

“Stubborn bastard,” he gritted out through clenched teeth.

 

***

 

Yama didn’t follow him to the bridge and Harlock couldn’t exactly blame him. His treacherous heart was beating fast in his chest and his senses still buzzed with the boy’s closeness. His fierce look, the touch of those lips… it was everything he wanted and all the reasons he promised himself that he would not let Yama get close to him. But he put it all out of his mind for now as he marched up to Yattaran.

“It already started,” Yattaran stated, motioning to the console in front of him. The announcer was a middle-aged man, his name meant nothing to Harlock, but his title suggested he was one of the higher council members. Huh, not speaking through a representative, this must be indeed serious.

_“...with great shame we confirm that the illegal broadcast coming from the wanted pirate ship_ Arcadia _is indeed true…”_

“Yattaran, put it through the ship’s radio system,” Harlock said with a sinking feeling. “Everyone needs to hear this.”

_“...Gaia Sanction suffered heavy losses during the battle that followed that broadcast. Losses that could have been avoided had the Elder Council acted with more concern. The Gaia Sanction was formed to protect Earth and bring back order, preventing mankind from destroying itself. The decision to hide the state of our mother planet was born in desperate times with the intention to keep hope in all of us. Since then it became a mean to control and it only protected those who made that decision. Still, Gaia’s goal remains the same, we need to protect our planet no matter her state and for this with a majority vote the Elder Council and the Imperial Father were relieved from their posts and taken into custody. They will stand trial for their crimes against our planet and the notion of the Gaia Sanction.”_

A wave of uproar went through the bridge as the crew voiced their surprise. The announcement went on stating that the _Arcadia_ and her crew was still wanted for theft and transgressions and advised all civilians not to engage them and report any sightings to the authorities. Harlock was only paying half attention, his mind was occupied with other thoughts. The world was changing; after a hundred years things were in motion again. And it was all because of that boy. As if summoned he heard his footsteps as Yama walked on the bridge. The noise around them grew with every moment.

“What now, Captain?” Yattaran’s voice silenced the murmurs and everyone looked at him. Harlock turned and looked at Yama. For a moment he stared at him confused, but as the silence stretched on he understood that Harlock expected the answer from him. He saw him swallow before he stepped around the helm to the edge to address the crew.

“We will gather information and people to find a way to remove the black matter from Earth.”

There was a stunned silence, the men exchanging looks among each other.

“How are we supposed to do that?” One asked and the others nodded in agreement. The determined expression faltered for a moment on Yama’s face, but he steeled himself.

“I don’t know yet.”

Harlock clenched his jaw to stop himself from reacting. Wrong answer. A captain never should make such admission in front of the crew. He could see the frowns and unsteady looks on several faces. Not good.

“This is why,” Yama went on, the determination returning to his voice, “we will search for people who want to do the same as us. They must be out there. I refuse to believe that there’s no hope for humanity. There are brilliant minds in the universe, we only need to find them and give them a chance to make use of their knowledge. For Earth.”

There was another few seconds of silence before the call ‘For Earth!’ rang through the crew.

Harlock felt his eye widen a fraction as he stared at Yama. With a few simple sentences he convinced and inspired the men to a task that was on par with his own previous plan in craziness. Soon. Soon, Yama wouldn’t need him at all.

Yama looked at him with a brilliant smile as he usually did after an important moment, seeking his confirmation and approval, but as soon as their eyes met his smile fell and he looked away. No matter, it was an unimportant habit that would fade away. The pang of pain and guilt that was caused by the boy’s reaction in Harlock’s heart was also unimportant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologise, but I live for this sh*t. :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the change in rating and the new tags.  
> *runs away*

Miime planted her feet on a cable case and pulled herself up, finally reaching her destination. She leaned on the metal wall in front of her, folding her hands on top of the edge.

“Found you. What do you think you’re doing, hiding up here like this?”

Bird startled and turned his head toward her with a low cluck.

“We barely saw you in the last few days, you are making us worry.” Miime raised her hand, not far enough to touch, only an offering if the animal wanted it. Bird raised his head, bumping it to Miime’s palm. She petted him with a sad smile.

“You can feel it too, can’t you? He’s changing.” She got a confirming caw. “I know, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Give it time. But that’s no reason to neglect the others.”

The animal stared at her; she knew very well it wasn’t what she said that affected him, but the emotions in her words. Bird stood, shaking his feathers out and as Miime moved to the side he dived down, taking flight and after a round about the central computer he disappeared toward an open door.

_“Thank you, Miime.”_

She just smiled, making her way down along the computer. She stopped at an upper cable, sat down and leaned her back to the metal looking at the machines around her. It’s not like she had any pressing matter to attend to. The whole ship was buzzing with excitement ever since that broadcast and Yama’s admission of his plans. Ambitious, some might also call it foolish. Truly, a worthy successor of their previous scheme. It will be interesting to watch it unfold, but right now she appreciated the silence.

_“Do you think it’s serious?”_

Miime looked at the computer as the familiar voice pulled her from her thoughts. “What is?”

The lights flickered and there was a low beep, the meaning unmistakable; after all these years the image of Tochiro rolling his eyes still wasn’t lost from Miime’s mind.

_“Harlock, about the boy of course.”_

“I’m not one to tell, I’m only here to watch over the ship.” Looking away Miime lifted her shoulder in the slightest shrug and let her head rest on the metal, folding her hands over her stomach.

_“That’s the big_ _gest crap I_ _’ve_ _heard since you tried to tell me you don’t miss your people.”_ The lights blinked again and Miime closed her eyes. She wasn’t about to raise to such an obvious taunt.

“What I think is of little significance in regard of their feelings,” she said causing another series of beeps.

_“Don’t be such a spoil-sport. Aren’t you even curious?”_

When she opened her eyes her lights turned to bluish from yellow, an unconscious reaction showing her annoyance. She raised her hand, touching and sending a particle towards the computer.

“As I see it attraction can be a wondrous or terrible thing in humans. Sometimes even both. We’ve seen it before; do you really want that to happen again?”

There was silence and she hoped it would be the end of this pointless train of thought.

_“I don’t want him to give up.”_

Oh. Now that was a sentiment she could agree with.

“You know as well as well as I do that as long as he has the will to go on, the dark matter will not leave him. Still, it’s not an issue we have any say in,” she said in a dismissive tone. Why humans spent so much time on wondering about matters that were out of their control was still beyond her understanding.

“Is that true?”

She turned her head toward the voice under her. The boy was standing there with his eye wide and Bird perched on his shoulder. She could have feigned ignorance, not having the will or desire to tip the scale either way between Harlock and Yama. She swore once not to take sides. And yet...

“His life is bound to the dark matter in the ship, just as it is bound to his will. Nothing happens to the _Arcadia_ without him wanting it.”

“That would mean he really wants to die,” Yama said in a disbelieving voice. His emotions swirled around him like the clouds of dark matter around the ship, thick and just as bleak.

“If anyone can change his mind, it’s you. You’ve done it before,” Miime said looking away from the boy. There was silence and Miime kept looking up at the ceiling not offering anything else, it was more than enough interfering. After a few seconds she heard Yama’s hurried steps walking away.

_“What happened to not having any say in the issue?”_

“What happened to not wanting him to give up?” she countered and the only answer she got was a low beep. She returned the smile.

 

***

 

Harlock was sitting in his cabin, looking at the red bourbon swirling in the glass as he slowly moved it in little circles. They were making good progress. Damages fully repaired, supplies replenished and not even one Gaia ship encountered in five cycles. But that could have been because the Sanction had better things to do. A change in leadership was always a messy business.

He saw Yama and Yattaran on several occasions in deep discussion; most likely they were already planning something. Yama didn’t tell him what it was about, then again they hadn’t really talked since…

He took a sip from his drink, his brows drawing together in a frown from the sudden feeling of loss. The realisation that he missed the boy’s company came unbidden and he did his best to ignore it, redirecting his train of thought. He would give them a few more days before asking Yattaran what they were up to. Not that it really mattered. It wouldn’t take long for Yama to lead the ship on his own. After that it was only up to him how they proceeded.

He was proud of all of them. This was the biggest hit they’ve ever taken, yet they were moving on again. A small part in him was sad at the thought that he wouldn’t see where Yama would lead his ship, his crew, but he pushed it down. Wherever that might be it wasn’t his fight any more. His time was long overdue. It was better this way.

The cabin’s door opened and hurried footsteps marched in; Harlock didn’t need to look up to know who that was. He was way too familiar with those steps.

“You lied to me!”

His only reaction was a questioningly raised eyebrow as the boy stopped in front of the table. His face was grim like an ion storm, unmasked anger burning in his eye. Harlock looked away, doing his best to keep his indifference.

“You said there was nothing we can do about it. That wasn’t true, was it?” Yama demanded.

Harlock knew exactly what he was referring to and didn’t even try to hide the grimace forming on his face.

“What did Miime tell you?” Because who else would know anything about that at all.

“She told me I was right, you _did_ give up.”

Harlock could see Yama glaring at him from the edge of his vision, but he kept his eye averted.

“That doesn’t change anything. I made my decision. The least you could do is respect it.”

“Respect…?” Yama slammed his palms down on the table, causing the bottles and glasses to rattle. Leaning closer he glared at him. “You expect me to just stand by and watch you die?!”

And this was why he never wanted to tell him. At least not everything. Damn it, Miime. He levelled the boy with a look that was hopefully as empty as he intended. He saw Yama clench his jaw then he pushed himself off the table, standing up straight. They stared at each other for a few long seconds.

“Alright.”

Harlock narrowed his eye on him, not believing for a moment he would give in so easily, when he was so adamant just a few moments ago. He pointedly ignored the small part of his mind that hoped Yama wouldn’t give up at all.

“If that is what you want.” Yama rounded the table and took the glass from his hand, sitting on the table in front of him. “But I have a condition. For you it wouldn’t make a difference, but for me…” he shrugged. “Call it a parting gift.” He took a big swig from the bourbon. Harlock did his best not to stare at his throat as he swallowed and glared at the boy with raising suspicion.

“What do you want?”

Yama looked at him for a few moments, then drowned the rest of the bourbon.

“You.” He leaned forward. “I want you for as long as I can have you.”

Harlock’s hand moved on its own in a sudden flare of anger. He slapped the glass out of Yama’s hand, but he barely heard the noise of shattering glass on the floor as he leaned in. They stared at each other, Harlock saw Yama swallow, but he didn’t back down.

“You are trying my patience,” Harlock gritted out through clenched teeth.

“Am I now?” Yama’s voice was light, but he wore a sombre expression on his face.

“Do you think this is some kind of game?” Harlock grabbed the armrest, making sure his hands wouldn’t move again.

“It could be,” Yama said, his face still serious and Harlock felt the urge to send him away. He really should have. But the words wouldn’t come as he silently glared at the boy. Yama moved forward, forcing Harlock to lean back and slipped onto his lap in a fluid motion.

“It would sweeten your remaining time and when you’re gone… let me worry about my potentially broken heart.” He rested his hands on the back of the chair, crowding Harlock and Harlock couldn’t think. He could feel the heat the boy’s body radiated and Yama’s hot breath on his face. He closed his eye and turned his head away.

“I would never wish you such fate,” he hated how his voice was only a whisper.

“Then stay with me.” Yama brushed his lips along his jaw and an involuntary shudder run through Harlock. The boy must have felt it too, Harlock could feel him smile. “Help me protect the world.”

Harlock couldn’t help the unamused huff. He turned his head back, looking up at Yama and hitting their noses together in the process as the boy didn’t move back in time.

“I don’t think the world wants any more of my protection.”

“But we do,” Yama said without missing a beat. “I do.”

He looked at the boy and felt his resolve falter again. How was he doing it? A hundred years and countless losses couldn’t do what Yama managed with a few words and touches. He had more than enough of this world, yet…

“You are selfish,” Harlock stated looking at the boy, unable to give him a real answer.

“I am,” he agreed and moved forward to kiss him. Harlock let their lips touch and he knew he made a mistake just as his arms went around Yama to pull him closer. He was sure he’d regret this, but still he licked Yama’s mouth open, feeling his hands grab his shoulders, then moving to the back of his head. All those weeks spent with pushed down longing only made it worse now that he had Yama in his arms. He knew he wouldn’t be able to deny him anymore.

The boy was eager, his hands moving on his body, thirsting for touch. Harlock didn’t even notice when Yama managed to unbuckle his cape, only when he tried to open his jacket did he realise what Yama was doing.

With a groan he pushed Yama back. The boy stilled, looking at him with a clouded eye and parted lips. Harlock removed his gloves with impatient movements and placed his hands on Yama’s face. He brushed his thumb over Yama’s abused lips. The boy opened his mouth to bite down on his finger and Harlock took in a sharp breath. His other hand opened the zipper of Yama’s jacket and shirt, pushing away the cloth, desperate to touch skin. He all but stopped breathing when he finally managed to expose Yama’s chest, his hands dragging down on his pale skin. The boy let out a satisfied sigh, watching Harlock as he watched his own hands wander. Harlock moved his hands to the boy’s shoulders, pushing his clothes to expose more skin. He leaned forward to kiss his neck, biting and licking the skin on the crook of Yama’s neck. Faintly he was aware of the boy’s fumbling hands as he tried to open his jacket and shirt.

“Captain...” Yama’s voice was hoarse and he never finished as Harlock drew back, looking at him.

This was wrong. Harlock promised himself he wouldn’t let his selfish desires get the better of him. But heaven help him it was hard. Still, he wouldn’t let his guard down; if all this was just a game for Yama, then he would teach him a lesson.

Harlock moved, forcing Yama to stand up and he saw he wanted to say something, but it was lost as Harlock followed him, stood up and pushed Yama down on the table. He stood between the boy’s open legs, kissing him again.

“I want to touch you,” Yama’s voice was steady, almost demanding in Harlock’s ear and he forced himself to push back, straightening to get rid of his own jacket and shirt. Yama’s stare made his chest ache, but Harlock pushed the feeling away. In the next moment Yama was reaching up to him and Harlock grabbed his wrists, pushing them back down on the table and pressing their bodies together. Harlock kissed him again, hard, almost punishing, then moved to his neck, Yama turned his head with a moan and rolled his hips into his. Harlock couldn’t help the groan that left him. The boy fought him to free his hands, but Harlock only held him firmer the more he struggled. He brought the boy’s hands over his head to be able to hold him down with one hand as the other moved to open his belt. Would have been easier with both hands, but if Yama would touch him now, he might lose what was left of his mind.

The boy let out another breathless noise when Harlock finally managed to open his pants, pulling them down just enough to expose him. Yama made another attempt to free his hands, but he had no chance against Harlock’s iron grip. Harlock moved his mouth down, biting down on one of the boy’s nipples and making him hiss as his hand slid to his own trousers. As the belt gave, his weapons hit the ground with a too loud crash, but neither paid it any mind as Harlock freed his cock and pressed their groins together. Yama let out a satisfied sigh wrapping his legs around Harlock’s thighs.

“Please… let me touch you,” Yama’s voice was breathless and he renewed his efforts to free himself as Harlock wrapped his fingers around their dicks. At that Yama went limp, forgetting his struggle as he thrust up into Harlock’s hand with a desperate noise. Harlock pressed his forehead to the boy’s shoulder, unable to look at him. Yama’s breath hitched; Harlock heard a thud as he let his head fall back on the table. Harlock pressed his lips together to stop whatever noise wanted to escape them and concentrated on stroking their cocks. His mind was still filled with the boy’s panting breaths, the touch of his skin, his hands flexing under Harlock’s grip. It was too much.

It didn’t take long, Yama’s spine arched up from the table and he let out a long moan, coming in Harlock’s hand. The boy’s body went limp under him and Harlock shifted his hand, letting go of Yama’s softening dick to stroke himself in a desperate rhythm. He bit down on Yama’s neck to stop the groan that pushed at his throat as he came.

As soon as Harlock’s rational mind took back the control over his body he forced himself to move away. Even if his body wanted nothing more, than to touch the boy under him and enjoy the afterglow. He pushed himself up, chancing a quick look at Yama. He was still panting, laid out on the table with his eye closed. Harlock ignored the urge to touch him again and picked up his undershirt from the floor, cleaning his hand and stomach as best he could. He tucked himself back into his pants, not bothering with buckling his belt and moved his cleaning efforts to Yama. He could see the boy looking at him, but kept his eyes on what he was doing. He did his best not to think either.

He slumped down onto his chair and looked up in time to see Yama sit up on the table, leaning on his arms and looking at him with a lopsided grin.

“Can I take this as a yes?” His face was still flushed and his body relaxed, it was a good look on him. Then Harlock’s eye shifted to the angry red bite mark forming on the boy’s neck and the bruises on his wrists where he held him. Harlock looked away.

“Leave. Get some rest,” was all he managed to say. He could see Yama chewing on the inside of his lower lip from the corner of his eye. The silence between them grew heavier with every passing moment.

Yama let out an exasperated huff.

“Right,” he muttered, then got up from the table, pulling up his clothes. The silence was strained as he dressed, but Harlock was unwilling to break it, he didn’t trust what would come out of his mouth. When the boy was finished he turned away and left without a word, his steps echoing in the room. A part of Harlock already felt his absence, but he pushed it away, burying his face in his hand. It was a mistake as he could feel the smell of them both on his own skin. He dropped his hand and leaned back in the chair, staring up at the ceiling.

He knew exactly what this was; he was well aware of the effect he had on people. The mystique, the fear and awe that lingered around him, especially for new crew members. It wasn’t the first time someone developed a crush on him and it usually was just that. Even considering his own fascination with Yama he shouldn’t have given in to lust, because that’s what all it was. Lust, that would leave when satisfied. At least for Yama. It wouldn’t last and then it would leave Harlock with an aching heart. After all it wasn’t just his body that Harlock wanted; he saw the potential Yama had. He was young and it would still take time for him to find his place in the universe. But Harlock wanted to see where he would grow, how he would shape the world with the _Arcadia_. He wanted to be by him and not just as long as the boy’s curiosity was fulfilled. Yama said it wouldn’t make him any difference to him, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. It only added to his resolve, that it was better if he left everything behind. Simply die like the legend never could and what would one more regret mean to the numerous others he already had?

Miime found him in that state. She took a long look at the mess around him, then she poured him a glass of bourbon and held it in front of his face until Harlock finally moved and took it from her.

“I made a mistake,” he heard himself say.

“Are you sure it was a mistake?” Miime asked, taking one glass for herself as well and sitting down on her couch. Harlock shot her an angry look, but Miime just stared at him with a blank face over the rim of her glass as she drank.

“I thought you were only here to observe,” he couldn’t keep the accusation out of his voice. Miime’s face stayed impassive and Harlock looked away, taking a mouthful of the bourbon.

“Living things are selfish creatures. After losing a lot, they want to keep what still remains.”

Harlock could see her looking at him from the corner of his eye. That was true, they were all just selfish creatures. Yama, Miime and even himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #sorrynotsorry


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! <3

One of the upsides of the _Arcadia_ running with a small crew was that there was plenty of room for those aboard. That was true even in the crew quarters. Sure, most rooms had bunk beds, but there were more than a few with a single bed, probably for officers. Yama claimed one of the empty ones right at the beginning and no one complained. More often than not, he was glad he did so, even if nowadays when he entered he found a visitor that seemed more and more frequent in the last weeks.

“I remember closing the door… How the hell do you even get in?” he asked and got a happy caw as Bird raised his head to look at him. Yama just shook his head, closing the door behind himself and sitting down on his bed.

The room was still small, almost cramped with the bed and the computer console on the little desk next to it, but it was more than enough. The most important part was that he could be alone. Well, relatively speaking, but after he petted Bird on the head a few times he seemed content with sitting on the corner of his bed.

It was late in the night cycle and he knew he should be sleeping, but he had a feeling his mind wouldn’t let him. He took off his gloves and the eye-patch, tossing everything on the desk and got out of his boots too, but his evening routine stopped there. He looked around the room, thinking about giving sleep a chance, but in the end he just dimmed the lights and sat on his bed, moving up to lean on the wall.

It had been a few days since he… confronted Harlock and the more he thought about it, the more wrong it felt. That was not what he wanted. Sure he wanted to provoke the Captain and in a way he got that. Still, it felt like a mistake. And seriously even if the idea was born in a moment of desperation, what was he thinking, trying to seduce Harlock like that?! He expected Harlock to send him away, to stop, like all the times before, he didn’t think they would… Yama closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

He felt like the gap between them only widened. Even when the Captain lay on top of him with their dicks pressed together, he felt more distant than ever. Yama remembered Harlock’s touch and kisses, how his fingers felt on his dick. He also remembered how the Captain held him down and ignored any of his pleas. The memory still sent a nice shiver down his spine, but left a bitter feeling in his gut. Yama realised he made a mistake. It wasn’t the right approach to get through to the Captain. This wasn’t what he wanted from him.

But after everything how could he tell him that? Every time he looked at Harlock he could feel his touch, but he also felt his hand around his wrists, pinning him down so easily. The bruises were fading, but the feeling remained. Under the usual stoic look there was a fire in Harlock. Yama already got a few glimpses of it before, but those were nothing compared to what he felt when Harlock touched him. It was exciting and also almost frightening. He wondered what would that fire do to him; could he tame it or would it consume him? A part of him wouldn’t even mind either way. Another part was just scared of both options.

And above everything he missed him. Missed his company, their talks and his constant presence.

A short knock cut through his musing. He wondered who that could be, but he looked toward the door, automatically saying: “Come in.”

He immediately regretted it as Harlock stepped into the room.

“Captain,” Yama jolted up, shifting to sit on the edge of the bed. Bird perked up, letting out a squawk and hastily trying to take off toward the exit. Harlock stepped aside to let the animal out.

“Looks like no one wants to be in my presence lately,” he muttered as he closed the door.

 “You are avoiding me,” he stated, looking at Yama.

“No, I’m not,” Yama blurted out, maybe too quickly and the raise of Harlock’s eyebrow made him look away. He cleared his throat and tried again, meeting the Captain’s eye hesitantly.

“You’ve made yourself clear regarding our... situation.”

“Apparently not clear enough, or was your curiosity so easily satisfied?” Harlock dropped his arms and stepped closer, standing in front of him. Yama stood with a sudden movement as Harlock’s crotch got to his eye level.

“No, it’s not like…” he trailed off, trying to step away, but there wasn’t much space for that. Harlock followed him and Yama’s back hit the wall. The Captain placed his hand by Yama’s head crowding his body.

“Then what’s wrong? You are the one who wanted this.” His other hand palmed Yama’s dick through his pants and Yama bit down on his lip to stop a moan. He planted both of his hands on Harlock’s chest, pushing him away.

“That’s not what I wanted,” he said in a firm voice. Harlock took a step back, his face an unreadable mask.

“It’s not how I wanted things to go. I shouldn’t have pressured you, I didn’t mean what I said.” Yama was aware he was rambling, but something akin to panic was raising in him and his thoughts refused to form a straight line. Harlock narrowed his eye.

“Which part? That you want me or that you would let me die in peace if I gave in?”

Yama found himself speechless for a moment, a cold feeling clenched his heart at Harlock’s words, cutting through his panic effectively. He took a deep breath to calm himself. Now that both of them were here this was the best chance he had to clear things up. If he managed to voice his thoughts appropriately.

“I can’t let you die,” he started looking at Harlock. “I won’t say I know how you feel with all that you’ve been through. I only know I want to stand by you. To help you with the burden you carry. I believe we can save Earth, and when we do, I want you to be there to see it.”

When he run out of words he was almost panting, his blood rushed in his ear and his emotions swirled in his chest. He felt exposed. Harlock was staring at him as if he has never seen him before. The silence stretched on, but Yama forced himself to stay quiet and waited for Harlock to make his move.

“I haven’t allowed myself to hope for so long. It’s a habit hard to break.” A look crossed on Harlock’s face and in that moment Yama could see on him that he indeed lived through a century.

“I do want to see where your path leads you. I knew, if I’d give in, I wouldn’t be able to deny you anything ever again. It would have been better to stay away with nothing than having only parts of you and losing even that over time.” He shook his head, a sad smile tugging at the corner of his lips “But I guess that ship had already sailed.” Now he just seemed tired. Yama stared at him, his blood was still rushing in his ears. He believed him. After all this time, he thought Harlock finally let him see his true emotions. He had to swallow and he chose his next words very carefully.

“I can’t make promises regarding the future. I don’t know what would come. I only know what I feel now. It’s not just a game, I’m serious. I want you and I would give you anything. I would give everything I have, everything I am!” The words came out much easier than he imagined, maybe because of what the Captain admitted just now. Harlock stared at him, his face a mix of pain and longing.

“I want everything you are,” he said in a quiet voice that held a desperate edge, not something Yama ever thought to hear from Harlock.

Yama finally let himself step to him, pulling Harlock down. Their lips met in a tentative kiss, the Captain’s hands grabbed his waist, then wandered up on his back, holding him close. It felt so different from any of their previous kisses. This was it, this feeling was what Yama wanted from the start. The kiss went on, Yama’s hands wandered on the Captain’s back as he moaned into his mouth. When they parted Harlock dropped his hands, stepping away and a jolt of panic went through Yama. Wasn’t even that enough? What else supposed he do to—?

“The last time wasn’t how I wanted things to go either.” Harlock raised his arm, the tip of his fingers brushing Yama’s neck over the bite-mark now hidden under his clothes. “I apologise.”

Yama frowned; wishing the sudden blush away, he shook his head to get rid of it. He had to clear his throat to be able to answer.

“Well, I did push you. Not how I imagined my first time with someone, but—” he closed his mouth with an audible click, looking away in horror. Damn it, he promised himself not to admit that to Harlock. The look that crossed the Captain’s face was downright mortified; he dropped his arm, taking a step back and half turning away he rubbed his forehead. Yama wanted to hit himself. He was looking for something, anything to say, but the only thoughts coming to his mind were elaborate curses. When Harlock stepped to the door Yama moved too, getting himself between the Captain and the exit. It left them very close, Yama could feel the heat from Harlock’s body. It made thinking rather difficult.

“Please don’t go, I…” Yama still wasn’t sure how to express what he was feeling, he just knew that he needed to keep Harlock here. “It’s fine. Since it was you, it’s fine.”

“No, it is not,” he sounded almost angry and Yama wasn’t sure at whom. “It’s not fine, especially because it was me!”

“Let’s just agree that we both messed up, okay?”

That gave Harlock a pause.

“I am sorry. I need to do right by you,” Harlock said, the sour expression finally melting away from his face. “If you want it.”

It took a moment for Yama’s brain to catch up. He could only nod as he didn’t trust what would come out of his mouth any longer. The silence was stretching on as Yama couldn’t decide what to say.

“Right now?” There was an amused tilt of the Captain’s eyebrow and Yama felt himself flush. “There’s no need to rush,” he said in a light tone and it let Yama relax. No need to rush anything indeed, yet he still couldn’t make himself move away from Harlock nor could he close the distance between them again.

“I’ve waited for you long enough.” His mouth run away again and Yama dropped his eye, mortification raising in his chest once more. But they were so close, there was nowhere he could look that wasn’t on Harlock, so he lifted his gaze again. The Captain’s only answer was an amused little smirk.

Harlock leaned forward, bringing his arms around him and Yama raised his chin to meet him, but Harlock didn’t touch him. Yama felt the frown form on his face when he heard the click of the lock on his door.

Oh.

Harlock pulled back to be able to look at him properly.

“I swear I won’t ignore your wishes; when you say stop, I will. I hope I can trust you to continue being honest and tell me what you do or do not want.” He sounded serious and Yama nodded again, letting the same seriousness settle on his face. Harlock also gave him a small affirmative nod.

Harlock was staring at him intently, but Yama had no idea what to do now, so when he stayed silent Harlock took a step back, taking off his gloves, opening his jacket and dropping everything on the floor. Yama’s mouth went dry as the Captain’s shirt followed. Was this really happening or did he just fall asleep, dreaming this all up? With hesitating steps Yama stood in front of Harlock. He grabbed the zippers on Yama’s jacket and pulled one side down, opening it up and pushing the cloth down his shoulders. As Harlock pulled his shirt off of him Yama woke from this daze. That felt pretty real. Yama looked up at Harlock, the heat in his eye sent a shiver down Yama’s spine.

“Can I touch you?” Yama asked and Harlock huffed out a small laugh. “I don’t really know how this supposed to go, I mean I have an idea, but…” he trailed off rather than finishing that sentence.

“Let me show you then,” Harlock said and took Yama’s hands, placing them on his chest. Yama took in a sharp breath as he let Harlock guide his hands down on his abdomen, then back up again. “You can touch me anywhere you like.”

Those words sent another shiver down Yama’s spine and it all ended up in his crotch. He brushed his palms over the Captain’s nipples, making him sigh.

Yama leaned up to kiss him, their chests touching and he moaned from the skin contact. The kiss grew more heated and Yama’s hands wandered to Harlock’s belt on their own. Just as he managed to open it Harlock broke the kiss, taking another small step back. Yama watched him, chest heaving as he removed his boots and after that everything else with a swift movement. He stood before him, fully naked and Yama almost tore at his belt to get rid of the last of his own clothing. When he looked up, Harlock was staring at him, the hunger and need clear on his face. It made hot waves wash all over Yama’s body. How many times did he imagine this moment, yet none of his fantasies came close to this feeling he had right now.

Harlock stepped up to him, his fingers gently brushing up on Yama’s arms until they reached his shoulders. Yama let Harlock turn him around and move backwards. Yama dropped on the bed and Harlock was over him, hands still on his shoulders pushing him down. Even if the memory of the last time he was forced down flashed in his mind Yama went easily lying down on the bed, because the look on Harlock’s face was so different. It was nothing like the last time and Yama raised his hands to pull the Captain to himself. He was lost, but he didn’t even care as their kisses grew messier with every passing second. Yama sighed when Harlock moved his mouth to his neck, his hands wandering all over Yama’s body. Down on his side to his hips, slipping to the inside of his tight, the other brushing over a nipple, fingers spreading on his stomach. Yama groaned when Harlock’s fingers wrapped around his cock, giving it an experimental stroke. He opened his legs wider, inviting.

“Do you have anything for lubrication?”

It took Yama’s mind a few seconds to process the question and when he did he felt himself flush despite everything, because, yes, he actually did. It smelled weird, but it did the job. He squirmed out from under Harlock and stood from the bed. His legs almost buckled, but he managed to go to the built in wardrobe. After a few moments of frenetic searching his fingers finally closed around the little bottle. He turned back to Harlock and froze at the sight. The Captain was lying on his side, propped up on his left elbow, his other arm resting on his pulled up knee. All long limbs and pale skin, littered with old scars. He wanted to touch them all, brush his fingers along his skin, just so he could follow it with his tongue, mapping out every single scar on his body. Harlock’s cock, half hard now lay on his thigh and Yama felt his own jump in anticipation. He can’t be real. Yama had to swallow and a smile appeared on Harlock’s face.

“See something you like?” He asked, his voice low, sending something over Yama’s body that ended as a jolt in his dick.

“I like everything I see,” he heard himself say. Harlock beckoned to him and Yama went to him without hesitation, standing by the bed. The Captain sat up, grabbing him by his hip and pulling him close. He placed small kisses and bites all over his stomach, his hands going to the back of Yama’s thighs and up to squeeze his ass. Yama couldn’t do anything, but stare at him, his breath quickening with every touch. Harlock lifted his head, looking up at him as he licked the head of his cock and Yama stopped breathing when the Captain opened his mouth. He jerked back, pushing Harlock away with a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at him again with a questioning look.

“You don’t want me to use my mouth on you?”

Yama’s breath hitched just from hearing that. “It… It’s not… I’m not sure that…”

Harlock smirked. “Just a taste then?” He kept looking at Yama and when no new protest came he opened his mouth again.

To be honest Yama’s brain all but packed up, locked the door behind itself and took the first shuttle out to space, because all he could do was stare as Harlock licked the underside of his dick, still keeping his eye on him. Yama’s hand flew up to his mouth to stop the strangled noise he made when Harlock’s lips closed around his dick. It felt so much better than he ever imagined. The Captain’s mouth was hot and wet and he did something with his tongue that made Yama’s knees buckle, but the arms around him kept him on his feet. He cursed out loud, it got muffled by his hand, but was still enough to Harlock to pull back.

“Too much?” he asked in a smug tone and all Yama managed was a jerking nod. “We’ll get back to that next time then,” he added with a smirk and Yama groaned. It was a promise that left him lightheaded or maybe it was the whole situation, Yama didn’t even know anymore.

Harlock touched his hand, pulling him back on the bed and taking the bottle from his fingers in the same move. Yama already forgot he even had it. He ended up straddling Harlock’s thighs, kissing him with a sudden desperation. Now it was Yama’s turn to kiss and touch the Captain wherever he could. Harlock was mostly quiet and Yama made it his quest to find what would make him utter a noise. He grabbed Harlock’s cock, watching his face as he stroked him, trying to find out what he liked. The thought crossed his mind to use his mouth, but in the end he didn’t act upon it, because with a sudden movement Harlock sat up, claiming his lips again. He got lost in his touch so much that the slick finger touching his entrance was a total surprise. Not that he was complaining, he was waiting for this after all. He moaned into Harlock’s mouth as the finger entered him.

Harlock took his time, slowly easing the second finger in and still with the stretch Yama rolled his hips, wanting more. He might have even said so, because after a moan of his own the Captain kissed him again. Yama moved until he could grab both of their dicks thrusting up into his hand and moving back on Harlock’s fingers. He let out a groan at the third finger and his words started to flow too.

“Captain,” he panted. “I want you… please.”

“The least you could do is call me by my name in a situation like this.” He bit down on Yama’s throat and to emphasize his point he twisted his fingers, making Yama cry out in pleasure.

“Ha-Harlock, please.”

At that Harlock cursed under his breath, but after a few more pleas from Yama he finally drew his hand back.

“How do you want it?”

Yama blinked at him, trying to make sense of the question. When his mind caught up he pushed at Harlock’s shoulders until he lay back down on the bed.

“Like this,” his voice was hoarse, it felt foreign even to his own ears.

Yama watched utterly fascinated as Harlock coated his dick. The sight of his long fingers moving on himself left Yama dazed. He made sure to remember this moment. Maybe he could ask for it some other time, to just watch as Harlock touched himself.

“Yama.” Harlock’s voice pulled Yama from his thoughts and he realised he was still staring. His eye shot up to Harlock’s face to see the Captain looking at him with a questioning look. Yama ignored the smirk on Harlock’s lips in favour to finally move above him. One of Harlock’s hands held himself as the other rested on Yama’s hip, not pushing, only guiding him to his dick. Yama squeezed his eye shut when the head of Harlock’s cock entered him. No amount of experimenting on himself made him fully prepared for this. He moved back, letting Harlock slip out, only to push back in a second later.

“Don’t rush it.”

Yama could only shake his head, too gone for words. He wasn’t rushing. He wanted to feel every moment. The burn was bad, but so good at the same time as he slowly slid down on Harlock’s length. He felt the Captain take his cock, stroking lazily, it divided his attention, making the stretch more bearable. His eye flew open, looking down on Harlock’s fingers on him made him groan. Yama moved slowly, his thighs almost trembling from the effort of keeping himself up, easing up and down.

When he was finally able to sit down on Harlock’s hips, he was breathing heavy, his head spinning. He planted his hands on the Captain’s chest, moving again, trying to find his rhythm. Harlock’s hands moved to his ass, spreading his cheeks and pulling him down harder. That felt so good.

Yama looked down on Harlock, their eyes locked on each other as Harlock thrust up, meeting Yama’s every movement. It sent small sparks of pleasure all over Yama’s body. He didn’t even notice when he started to stroke himself, things started to get blurry.

“Ha- Harlock,” Yama’s voice was breathless and he was unable to continue, but he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say. Harlock sat up with a sudden move, pulling Yama close to himself. Their mouths clashed in a desperate kiss. Harlock called out his name in a way that went straight to Yama’s dick. Yama’s hands grabbed the Captein’s shoulders, trying to find any leverage to be able to keep this rhythm. It was almost too much.

“Harlock… I... I can’t— I need to...”

Harlock’s hand found his cock, stroking him in time with his thrusts.

“Don’t hold back,” his strained voice was all it took. It started at the base of his spine, rolling over his body in waves that left Yama breathless. His eye was locked on Harlock and the world stopped around him for an endless perfect moment as his orgasm took him. Faintly he was aware of those last few thrusts that pushed Harlock over the edge too, his eye shut and his mouth open around a low groan. It was the best thing Yama ever saw.

The world came back to him next as he was lying on top the Captain. He felt like his body was ready to melt. He never wanted to move again.

He stirred when Harlock called his name, a complaining huff leaving Yama when he was moved. With great effort he sat up and took the tissues Harlock was holding out for him. Where did he even get those? Did Yama leave the box on his desk? He didn’t remember, but at that moment he didn’t even care. They cleaned up in silence and after throwing everything on the floor Yama collapsed again at Harlock’s side. He pressed himself to the Captain, his arm draped over his chest and he hooked one of his legs over Harlock’s.

“Your bed is not suited for two.”

The comment made Yama raise his head to look at Harlock, but he was staring at the ceiling, his face relaxed.

“And yours is?” he asked with a frown, because who cares about that right now?

“As a matter of fact it is.”

“I didn’t even know you had a bed.” That made Harlock laugh. An actual laughter that Yama never heard before. He looked down at Yama.

“Why wouldn’t I? I might be immortal, but I still need sleep.” The amusement in his voice made Yama smile.

“Huh. Could have fooled me.”

Harlock huffed out another small laugh, then pressed a kiss on his forehead before pushing Yama’s head back on his chest.

 

 

Yama wasn’t surprised to wake up alone. Even if his sleep-ridden brain struggled to come up with a reason why he shouldn’t be alone; after all, it was all just a dream. But the fact that he was naked when he never slept naked and the dull aches in his body were proof that last night indeed did happen. And as far as first times go it was quite an awesome one.

He raised his head from the pillow where he was sprawled out on his belly to look at the empty room. Harlock’s complaining words about his small bed came to Yama’s mind as a possible explanation for his absence. But even if he didn’t stay for the night he could have said something instead of disappearing like that. It left a small pang in his chest. Still, considering everything, Yama felt content.

He didn’t hurry with getting up. They were still about a day worth of travel from their destination. No need to hurry, so he let his body relax before starting a new day. After the emotional strain of the last weeks he decided he deserved it.

 

 

Later Yama spotted Harlock just as the Captain stepped out on the corridor from the mess hall. Their eyes met and he walked towards Yama, his gait light and relaxed, a small smile playing on his lips. He stopped in front of him, so close that Yama had to tilt his head back a bit to be able to look him in the eye.

“See something you like?” His voice was low and amused. That was the moment Yama realised he hadn’t moved since he spotted Harlock and he was still staring at him with his mouth open. Yama closed his mouth, his mind going instantly to the last time he heard that question. He had to clear his throat to be able to speak from the rush of emotions.

“Always,” he managed and Harlock’s smile turned into a smirk. “You could have said something before disappearing.”

Harlock raised his eyebrow. “I did. You even wished me a good night.”

Yama felt a flush warm his cheeks. Did he? His last solid memory was that he was pressed close to the Captain’s side. But that didn’t necessarily mean that he fell asleep like that.

“I can’t be trusted almost asleep,” he said trying to sound light.

“It would appear so,” Harlock still sounded amused and it made Yama’s heart flutter. “Still, I hardly had a choice as you practically claimed the whole bed the moment I moved.”

Another wave of heat hit Yama’s face, yet he didn’t feel the usual need to defend or explain himself. Harlock’s tone wasn’t mocking, he sounded… fond.

“Well, I guess then next time I will have to see that big bed of yours for myself.”

“Indeed.”

Guided by a sudden urge Yama went on his tiptoes to place a kiss on Harlock’s mouth. Just a small peck of lips before he drew back. To his surprise Harlock followed him for another short kiss before drawing back as well.

“I’m looking forward to it,” with that Harlock stepped aside and walked away. Yama looked after him and couldn’t help the stupid grin spreading on his face. It felt unreal, but his heart was still beating in his throat and a warm feeling spread all over his body. Was this how it could have been from the beginning? Yama shook his head. It didn’t matter. _This_ was only the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There. :)  
> The thing is I was halfway done with the next chapter when an idea for another story hit me like a damn train and I was pretty much unable to concentrate on anything else in the last 1,5 month. So I don't know when I'm gonna be able to post next, but they are in the honeymoon period now and it's not like there is any plot going on here, so... ^^""" Anyway, there will be more, I just can't say when. :(


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who's still around and interested: lookie who's back?!  
> I just wanted to write some action and fluff. I guess I succeed more or less? :D

“What do you think you are doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“It looks like you are demolishing my cabin.”

Yama ducked his head out from under the small table by the window to level Harlock with a glare before turning his attention back to whatever he was doing to the control panel on the wall. Harlock walked closer, taking a better look at the mess of tools around Yama.

“I’m still waiting for an answer to my question,” Harlock said after some silence. He sat on the end of the long table, placing his hand at the edge and leaning on his arm as he looked at the boy with an amused little smile.

“I’m doing you a favour,” came the somewhat irritated answer.

“Are you, now?” Harlock raised his eyebrow even if Yama was busy with smoothing some cables back into the opened up panel and didn’t see him.

“You realise plants need light, don’t you? And before you say it, no, candle light is not an adequate source. I’m surprised it’s even still alive.”

Harlock stared at the little green in the glass on the table, not sure how to answer. In the end he decided to stay quiet. He owned Yama no explanation on how he got so used to the patch of dirt being only that, that he was still surprised every time he saw the small leaves. In theory he knew plants needed light and water too, but in practice he wasn’t fit caring for anything that was alive. He was sure if it wasn’t for Miime the plant would have withered already.

“It belonged to Tochiro,” Harlock heard himself say. That made Yama pause in what he was doing, duck out from under the table again and look at him. Harlock got to his feet and turned away to grab a drink for Yama and himself. It was common courtesy; he wasn’t avoiding the boy’s searching look. He poured some bourbon into two glasses and walked back to Yama, offering one to him. He was still looking at Harlock like he was waiting for more, but Harlock regretted even admitting that much. So he just stared back at Yama, taking a sip from his drink. When Yama realised he wouldn’t get any more than that, he stood up and took the glass, taking a careful sip.

“I’m installing a lamp with a timer that will mimic the day-night cycle of Earth. That will help it grow properly. It’s amazing it even sprouted. But you need to take care of it now,” he was silent for a moment. “For him.”

“I… I don’t think I’m qualified to care for anything alive,” it came out more bitter than Harlock intended. To his surprise Yama shook his head with a small huff of laughter. It was such a rare sound from him, it caught Harlock off guard. He wanted to hear it again.

“That’s nonsense. Don’t be so dramatic.”

Harlock raised his eyebrow again, shooting a meaningful look at the boy. Yama laughed again.

“Right.” He shook his head, a smile still on his face. He took another gulp of the bourbon, then placed the glass on the table.

“For now it’s only a lamp, I managed to find a light source with the right wavelength. Yattaran helped me install the timer. It would be better if I could find a few neon tubes that could be placed along the window frame. With that we could have more plants here, this part would be perfect for that. This room could use more green.” Yama was looking toward the window, probably already seeing it in his mind’s eyes.

“‘We’, huh? Are you planning on moving in?” Harlock asked amused and Yama’s face flushed, his eye going wide.

“I… I didn’t mean it like that,” he stuttered. Harlock put his glass down and stepped up to him.

“I wouldn’t mind. If you’re acting as captain it’s only fair you have access to the captain’s quarters too.” He looked down at Yama and felt the urge to reach out and touch him. To wrap him in his arms, to kiss those lips that were still parted as Yama struggled for words.

“Are you serious?” he asked in a small voice.

“It’s just an option. If you want it.” Harlock gave in the urge and placed his left hand on Yama’s face, as the other went around his waist, pulling the boy flush against himself. Yama’s arms went around his back under his cape as he stared at him with a searching look. Then a lopsided smile appeared on his face that was also a recent addition to Harlock’s favourites.

“Well, if you put it that way… Not to mention I’m still waiting for the opportunity to confirm your claims about your bed too.”

“Indeed. It wasn’t for the lack of opportunity.” Harlock leaned closer slowly, giving Yama the chance to back away. He was pleased when he didn’t.

“So it’s my fault now?” the boy asked and he managed to sound both indignant and amused.

“As I said, you’re free to come and go here.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Yama whispered then finally closed the distance between their mouths. He wasn’t hesitant anymore, Yama’s lips parted and his tongue demanded access that Harlock was more than happy to provide. He answered him in kind, shifting his hand to the back of his head and keeping him close as the kiss got more and more heated.

It had been a few days since the night they spent together, yet Yama was just as willing as before; it made Harlock’s chest swell with feelings he thought himself long incapable of. Yama pressed himself yet a bit closer to him and Harlock could feel just how eager he was.

Yama’s words from a few days ago ringed in Harlock’s mind, the admission he longed for and dreaded at the same time. He would give him everything, he said and Harlock believed him. It was hard to admit, but he himself felt the same. He already placed his legacy in Yama’s hands, so why not everything else as well? It’s not like he had anything to lose.

In the last days he decided to give everything and anything Yama wanted, when and how he wanted. So, when Yama broke the kiss to gulp down a lungful of air, but otherwise stayed pressed close to him Harlock moved his mouth down to Yama’s neck. The boy let out a delicious moan just as the communicator pinged next to them, indicating an urgent message. Yama jerked back in surprise, letting go of Harlock immediately. Harlock refrained from letting an irritated huff out at the interruption as he stepped to the table. Ignoring his racing heart and the tightness in his trousers he activated the device.

“ _Captain_ ,” came Yattaran’s static voice, _“we caught a distress signal. A trading vessel is under attack and requesting help. Should we check it out?”_

“How old is the signal?” Harlock asked.

_“Over twenty minutes. We might be too late.”_

“Set for the coordinates nonetheless and ring the alarm, get the crew ready for battle.” After the confirming call the line went silent and Harlock turned to Yama. His face was flushed, but there was a determined look in his eye. Yama nodded and they made their way to the bridge together.

Harlock felt the smile pull his lips at the thought that Yama was hundred percent focused even if his face was still a bit red and his lips swollen. He found it rather attractive. But he pushed the thought away as they stepped on the bridge.

“Status.”

“They are in range, two ships, one heavily damaged. Looks like the distress call was real.” Yattaran didn’t look up from his console as Harlock stopped behind him. Yama stood at his side, looking also at the readings.

“Do we know who they are?” Yama asked. Yattaran’s fingers danced over the interface, pulling up the information.

“They identified themselves as the _Hallowgrunt_ , a threading vessel part of a support line for the colonies in the sector.” He shrugged. “No ID on the other one, most probably stolen.”

“Answer the distress call,” Harlock ordered. It took a few seconds to establish the connection and even when it did connect, it was only static and broken chatter. The channel was jammed. Harlock called out to Yattaran to clean it up. It didn’t take him long to bypass it, meaning they were using some cheap or old software. Amateurs. Yattaran gave a triumphant hum, the static cleared to a minimal level and the sound of muted alarms filled the bridge.

“ _This is Captain Adela Hawe of the_ Hallowgrunt _, we were attacked by some scumbags claiming to be pirates and request assistance,_ ” came a firm feminine voice.

“This is the _Arcadia_ ,” Harlock said and there was a telling pause on the other end.

_“If you’re here to finish what your_ buddies _started, we won’t make it easy for you.”_

Harlock felt his lips twitch up in a smirk. She had guts, he’d to give her that.

“We’re here to help,” Yama said shooting a disapproving look at Harlock. Again there was a tense silence.

_“Why don’t I believe you.”_

“You think we’d be talking were it otherwise?” Harlock asked in a matter-of-fact tone and he heard a huff from the woman.

_“Point taken. Also at this point I can’t exactly be picky, but if this is some kind of trick we’ll make sure to take as many of you with us as we can.”_

“Noted,” Harlock said earning another look from Yama.

“What’s your situation?” he asked.

_“We gave them a good run for their money, but they busted three of our four engines and now are boarding us. The cargo is sealed and we made our stand on the bridge, but I don’t know how long we can hold out.”_

“Do we have the coordinates?” Yama asked and Yattaran gave an affirmative nod.

“It can be covered in a single IN-skip.”

Yama nodded back. “We are on our way, Captain Hawe. If you could order your men not to shoot at us that would be helpful.”

_“I let them know you’re coming, but my men will defend themselves if necessary.”_

“Fair enough.”

The connection was cut and Harlock shared a look with Yama.

“Get ready for IN-Skip and gear up for boarding,” Harlock gave out the order. “I’ll lead the boarding—”

“No,” Yama cut him off in a firm tone. “You need to handle the piloting, after that keep an eye out for company with Yattaran. Others might have caught that distress call too. We don’t need surprises.”

A part of Harlock wanted to argue, but Yama’s reasoning was solid, he was better at manoeuvring the ship, so he pushed down the part that was worried about Yama and simply nodded.

“You need two teams.”

“Yes… One to take the pirate ship’s bridge, the other cleaning them up from the _Hallowgrunt_.”

A funny little feeling flared in Harlock’s chest from how quick Yama caught on his plan.

“I take the pirate ship. Kei,” Yama turned to the woman, “you lead the other team.”

Kei gave an affirmative nod and she was already turning to go.

“Take no unnecessary risk, most likely we’ll need to leave in a hurry,” Harlock meant his words mostly to Yama, but he also sent a look to Kei when she looked back. Both nodded, Yama even gave him a little two fingered salute. There was a small smile playing on his lips. Harlock had no idea what it meant, but in the next moment the boy was gone, jogging toward the cargo hold along with Kei. Harlock turned back to Yattaran. The man had a frown on his face.

“Objections?” Harlock asked in a tone that told exactly he won’t accept any, even if there were.

“When did we shift from being pirates to good Samaritans,” Yattaran muttered. Not loud enough to count as an open protest, but clearly meant for him to hear it. Harlock felt his lips twitch up in a smile.

“Think of it as weeding out the ones giving the trade a bad name.”

Yattaran snorted then a moment later went rigid just as Harlock realised he actually cracked a joke. He stepped away, raising his voice for the whole bridge to hear.

“Get ready for IN-Skip.” He took the helm, putting any other thought away and concentrating on the task at hand. “As soon as we leave the IN-Skip aim for the pirate ship’s engines to disable them. Go!” He heard the affirmative shouts, then a moment later he felt the dark matter move in the ship pulling it forward.

He blinked away the second of disorientation the jump caused and his eyes focused on the two ships in front of them.

“Fire!”

Harlock saw the flash of gold and the white-red explosion, but kept his attention on the helm. With their speed it didn’t even take a minute to bring the Arcadia over the other two ships. With careful manoeuvring Harlock brought the _Arcadia_ above the pirate ship so they would be on the blind side of its cannons.

“Yama, Kei, go! Keep in radio contact,” Harlock gave the order and got a simultaneous ‘Aye-aye’ from both.

Now came the harder part, especially for him: to stay put and wait. He did trust his crew to execute their order, Kei and Yama were more than capable to lead the assault. Still, it left a strange feeling in him, but he pushed it away in order to concentrate on the task at hand. He walked to Kei’s station to keep an eye on the radar while he listened to the teams’ progress through the radio. He forced his focus to stay on the radar and not on the fight his men were in. It was harder than is should have been. It took him a few moments to recognise the new line of concern that sneaked its way into his heart. It was so long he thought he forgot the feeling of worry for someone special, but he pushed that thought away as well. He had things to do.

Kei’s team reached the _Hallowgrunt’s_ bridge first and made a quick job of clearing the pirates out. As he listened the fight die down on their side he saw it. It was only a blink, but he concentrated on the area, focusing the scanners. It took a few seconds, but he was right.

“We have company,” he said and could see Yattaran was already focusing on them too.

“Gaia,” he confirmed a few moments later. The Sanction most probably would shoot first and maybe ask questions later and he didn’t want to get into a fire-fight with the damaged _Hallowgrunt_ so close; it would be better if they’d just leave. There was no reason to engage Gaia now.

“Kei, Yama, return to the _Arcadia_ immediately.” He received Kei’s conformation and he waited for Yama to do the same.

“Um, we might need a minute here.” Yama’s voice was strained and there was a lot of noise in the background.

“What’s going on?” Harlock demanded.

“We’re near the bridge, but a group of pirates got behind us, they were probably running from the _Hallowgrunt._ We’re caught in the crossfire; our way back was cut off.”

“Kei,” Harlock started, but she seemed to know what he wanted without him even saying it.

“On our way,” she confirmed.

“Hurry. I’d rather avoid any confrontation with Gaia,” Harlock said even if his true reasoning was something very different. He grabbed the console’s edge to make sure he would stay where he was. The urge to throw himself into the fight to make sure Yama was alright was too strong.

The seconds dragged on painfully slow. Harlock listened to the status updates and sounds of battle with clenched teeth. The dots marking the Gaia ships got closer and closer. The bridge around him was deadly silent. Harlock forced himself to let go of the console when his arms started to shake. They’ll be alright, he told himself over and over.

It seemed hours passed when he finally heard Kei’s voice.

“We got them,” she sounded out of breath. “On our way back. Three minutes.”

“Get the engines ready,” Harlock ordered, stepping back to the helm.

“Captain, Gaia is ready to fire!” Yattaran called.

“Expand the barrier on the port side, 80% capacity! We can’t risk them hitting the _Hallowgrunt!_ ” Just as he said the words a few moments later the blue of Gaia’s fire filled the bridge. It harmlessly bounced off the _Arcadia’s_ shield.

“Barrier holding at 60%!”

Harlock barely registered the call. That was more likely a warning shot, they could take a few more if needed, but spreading the barrier so it would cover the other ship too greatly increased the energy drain requiring to maintain it. Energy they needed for the engines to make a burst to get out of here. Hopefully Gaia would follow them with their fire and won’t fire on the damaged ships. Wouldn’t it be a slap in the face if after everything Gaia shot the _Hallowgrunt_ down? The one time he tried to do something good for someone else…

“All aboard! Let’s get out of here!” came Kei’s voice from the radio and Harlock’s grip tightened on the helm.

“Engines at 40%, 5 seconds boost on the starboard thrusters, then full speed ahead!” Harlock felt the small shift as the ship moved and he concentrated on getting away from the other two ships while he kept the _Arcadia_ between them and Gaia.

They were under fire again and Harlock gave the order to shoot back, just on principle, but a minute later they were ready for the IN-Skip and were gone. Gaia didn’t follow them. Aside from that Harlock found he couldn’t care about the situation they left behind. Not when he didn’t hear anything from Yama since Kei rushed to help them out.

He gave the order to keep course, it was better to put as much space between them and Gaia as they could and walked off the bridge. His legs carried him toward the cargo bay without him thinking about it.

There was a lot of movement when he neared the cargo area, as it usually was after a fight. The moment he entered Yason turned and stepped up to him with a small nod.

“Captain.”

“Casualties?” Harlock asked, looking over the men moving equipment around or helping each other.

“Two dead, several injured,” the man answered in a grim tone. Harlock looked at him.

“Who?”

“Gus and Tero.”

The memory of the two men came to Harlock’s mind and he gave a solemn nod.

“The rest?” he asked.

“Nothing life-threatening. Doc is making his rounds, up until now he said everyone’s gonna be fine.”

“Good.” Harlock nodded again, Yason understood the dismissal and stepped away. Harlock’s attention returned to scanning the room, looking for the familiar features of Yama. He spotted Kei first. She was barely out of her armour and was busy with three others around a suit. Its right arm and shoulder part were busted and everyone was working on disconnecting the damaged bits, so they could get the person out from inside. Harlock started toward them, but stopped dead in his track when he saw the patch of brown hair emerge from the suit. His eye went wide and he watched frozen in place as Kei and the others had to cut some parts of the suit to be able to free Yama. When they finally managed to pull him out there was blood on his face and he held his right arm close to himself as it hung limp by his side. He looked up and their eyes met. Something flashed on his face, but Harlock was too far away to recognize it and in the next moment he turned on his heel and marched out of the cargo bay.

He didn’t know where he was going. He shouldn’t have walked away. He should go back to make sure Yama was okay. He was obviously injured. Harlock should be there, demanding to know what happened. Yet his feet kept carrying him further and further away.

He ended up by the central computer, like he did so many other times before when his head was a mess. He kept thinking about the two they lost today. Any fight they got into, casualties were always a calculated risk. They all knew it. All obeyed with the knowledge that they might not return. Yet the thought that Yama could have been among the ones they lost gave him the exact cold feeling he wanted to avoid. If being immortal taught him anything it was how to handle loss. Would have been easier if he could distance himself from his crew, but he was the kind who cared about everyone who’s decided to join him. Even a hundred years and countless losses didn’t manage to change that. He knew how to deal with loss, yet the possibility of losing Yama hit him like nothing since… since the loss of Tochiro, the loss of Earth, the loss of…

Harlock sank down on a cable case and covered his face with a shaking hand.

He didn’t want these feelings back. He should have known this would happen and in a way he did, but he should have prevented it. It was yet another reason why he shouldn’t have listened to his heart. It was a mistake telling Yama how he truly felt. It was a mistake to let the boy close. It was a mistake thinking he could have this.

“I thought I might find you here.”

Harlock’s head snapped up to see Yama approach him with slow steps. His right arm was in a sling and there was bandage taped to the right side on his forehead. Harlock felt his heart clench at the sight, a part of him wanted to close Yama in his arms, to make sure he was okay, but his body wouldn’t move and he could only stare at him.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he heard himself say. Yama shouldn’t be up and wandering around, not if he was injured. Something flashed on Yama’s face, he worked his jaw before he spoke again.

“I thought you want to know what happened.”

“I heard what happened,” Harlock snapped without really meaning it.

“I meant this.” Yama gestured to his right arm. Harlock didn’t know what to say to that. He wanted to know, but at the same time it didn’t matter anymore, only the fact that Yama got injured. Harlock should have been the one to lead the other team, he should have been able to protect Yama… Yama’s voice pulled him out of his spiralling thoughts.

“It’s no big deal, only a dislocated shoulder I got when—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Harlock snapped again with a sudden flare of anger. He didn’t want to hear how he failed. Yama pressed his lips together and a heavy silence fell over them.

“If you say so. Captain,” he almost spat the last word and turned on his heel. Harlock watched him walk away; everything in him screamed at him to stop Yama, but he just glared at the floor with clenched fists.

“You know; I didn’t think it would be this quick. I can’t believe I fell for it.”

Harlock looked up to see Yama stand with his back to him. Now he recognised his tone, he was angry.

“I ate up all your crap about wanting to see where my path leads me.” He turned around glaring at Harlock. “But apparently you only cared enough to stick your dick in me, and that was that.”

“What?” Harlock asked, dumbfounded.

“You don’t have to worry about me _invading_ your quarters. I’ll make sure to remember my place.” With that he turned away again and walked on.

_“Don’t let him leave, idiot!”_

Tochiro’s voice snapped Harlock out of his shock and he was on his feet in the next moment.

“Yama!”  Harlock called after him, but he was ignored, so he hurried after the boy. With a few long strides he was at him and grabbed Yama’s left shoulder, turning him back. Yama glared up at him and tried to back away, but Harlock was having none of it. Yama’s back hit a wall and Harlock placed his hands on it, not leaving him a way out.

“Don’t jump to conclusions like that!”

“Then how about you help me out here? What am I supposed to think?” Yama was glaring at him. Harlock wanted to tell him everything, all his worries and fears, yet he felt like his lips were glued together.

_“Don’t be like this, Harlock, just tell him.”_

Harlock resisted the urge to roll his eyes or shoot an annoyed look at the central computer. He leaned forward and Yama stiffened. Harlock dropped his head, lightly pressing their foreheads together. He closed his eye, hoping that would make talking easier.

“I do care. More than my mind tells me I should. I was worried. We lost two men today because you wanted to play the hero.” Harlock’s hand shifted to Yama’s face and he felt him open his mouth, most likely to protest, but Harlock raised his head with a small headshake. Opening his eye, he looked right at the boy.

“Call it however you want, it’s still true.”

“I’d rather call it helping people. You know, doing good,” Yama said with a glare. Harlock couldn’t help the fond smile pulling on his lips.

“I know it is important to you. That is why I went along with the plan. But seeing the casualties made me think, it could have been you. And that thought made me terrified. It’s not a feeling I’ve felt in a long time and...” he fell silent suddenly not sure how to end that sentence.

“And what?” Yama asked softly when the silence stretched on. Harlock let out a frustrated sigh. Why was this so complicated? Any other time Yama seemed to know what he thought with only looking at him, why not now?

“It’s hard. I’m not used to these… emotions. I’m not used to… this.” He raised his hand and made a general gesture.

“You mean the talking? Or having feelings?”

Harlock shot him a glare in lieu of an answer. Yama was visibly struggling to hold back his smile.

“I think I get it…” Yama said after a few moments with a solemn expression. “You don’t know how to deal with all this. I suppose I’m the same. Everything that is happening is new to me and it’s not like I had a lot of experience to begin with. But could you at least try to talk to me? You walking out on me all the time isn’t really helping.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Okay, then we both have to do better; how’s that?”

Harlock stared at him a few silent seconds. “Alright, I’ll… try.”

Yama gave him a slow nod, staring back at him with an expectant look, but for the moment it was all Harlock could offer. The silence stretched on and Yama started to get restless.

“Okay. I don’t know about you, but I could use some sleep.”

Harlock nodded. “Come.”

He took a step back, letting go of Yama and gesturing toward the door. Yama eyed him for a moment before stepping away from the wall. Harlock fell in step beside him with a light touch on the boy’s back. They remained silent as Harlock led them to the Captain’s cabin. Miime was there, sitting on her couch, drink in her hand, seemingly without a worry in the world. Yama gave her an awkward wave, which she acknowledged with a tilt of her glass before going back to ignore them and drink.

Yama was still quiet as Harlock led him to his bedroom. When they stepped through the door Harlock heard Yama’s amused snort. He knew what was coming.

“This is ridiculous.”

Harlock closed the door behind them then turned toward Yama with raised eyebrows.

“I had nothing to do with it.”

He watched as Yama walked into the room, no doubt inspecting the ornate dark wooden furniture. The vanity seemed to capture his attention for several moments before he stepped up to the bed, running a hand over on the heavy crimson fabric of the baldachin tied to one of the bedposts. He turned back to Harlock with a look, he obviously didn’t believe him. Harlock crossed his arms over his chest, staring right back at Yama.

“The Deathshadows were designed by Tochiro, but they were still military vessels with regulations. When the dark matter was first released, it did some… modifications on the ship.” He looked away, staring unseeing at a wall, trying not to lose himself in his memories.

“Becoming a pirate was a concept Tochiro always liked to entertain. Back in the academy he often joked about how we were never so close to be actual pirates than now. He had whole designs thought out. This,” he gestured around in the room, “is what Tochiro thinks a pirate captain’s room should look like.” For the second time that day Harlock found himself talking about his old friend and it was… it wasn’t as hard as he thought it would. Was it because he was talking to Yama, he wondered?

“I could’ve sworn the ship design was your doing.” There was a small smirk on Yama’s lips. Harlock didn’t deem that worthy of an answer, so he kept looking at Yama with an unimpressed face.

“It suits you though,” Yama went on. “Your friend knew what he was doing.”

“Yes, he always did,” Harlock said in a small voice, then he pushed the memories away. “You need rest.”

“Actually, I was hoping to take a shower before that, but…” Yama gestured to his right arm, an uncertain expression settling on his face. Harlock only thought about it for a moment.

“Let me help you.”

Yama swallowed and Harlock waited for him to reject his offer or otherwise protest against it. Several emotions ran through his face, but in the end he nodded. Harlock walked to an ornate wardrobe to retrieve some clothes for Yama and a towel then he motioned toward the small door on the opposite side of the room. Yama headed for it. When the door opened he let out a small huff of laughter.

“Even a private bathroom, huh.”

“Benefits of being captain.” That earned him another small smile.

Getting Yama out of his clothes was a tad awkward, yet entertaining ordeal. Yama kept forgetting he shouldn’t use his right arm, it caused some pained hisses and embarrassed apologies. Harlock wouldn’t have admitted it even to himself that he found it both endearing and amusing.

Yama insisted he could handle the rest, but it got evident pretty soon he couldn’t. There was a constant blush on his face that only got worse when Harlock stripped and stood under the shower with him.

“Hardly anything you haven’t seen before,” Harlock said with a little smirk.

“I know and I can’t say I haven’t thought about this before, but it most definitely did not involve me barely being able to move my arm.”

“Have you, now?” Harlock took a step closer, making Yama step back, right under the streaming shower. He yelped when the hot water hit him. Harlock let out an amused huff and Yama glared at him. Harlock’s hand rose on its own, cupping the boy’s chin, his thumb smearing drops of water on his skin. A patch of white caught his eye. The bandage on Yama’s forehead. They should have avoided getting it wet, but it was too late now. Better remove it altogether and re-patch the wound later.

“Hold on,” he said and went to get the plaster off of Yama’s skin. One corner was already off, so Harlock picked on it until he could get a good enough grip and tore it off. Yama let out a small hiss.

“Try not to get it wet,” Harlock started, but fell silent when he inspected the cut. It was already closed and looked like it was at least a day and not just a few hours old. Harlock’s brows drew together in a frown.

“What is it?” Yama asked, but Harlock barely heard him as he stared at the wound. His fingers brushed the scab, yet he didn’t remember moving his hand. At the skin contact he saw, or more like felt it. He jerked his hand back, like he was burned and took a step back, staring in disbelief.

“What’s wrong?” Yama asked with alarm in his voice. He touched his forehead and frowned. “This is weird,” he mumbled, prodding the wound.

No, it wasn’t really. Harlock himself said so about a week ago, that this would happen. And now it was happening.

“It’s the dark matter,” Harlock heard himself say, but his voice sounded distant even to his own ears. “It restores everything to its original state.”

“What? Dark matter… in me?” Yama raised his eye to Harlock, asking for confirmation that Harlock wasn’t willing to give. “I don’t feel any different.”

“You wouldn’t. Not at first.”

“You mean I’m becoming like you? Im-immortal?” His eye went wide and something in Harlock’s chest clenched painfully.

“I never thought it would be so soon. I’m sorry.”

“What, why? Don’t you understand, this is perfect! Too bad there’s no way to really test it out…”

“Are you out of your mind? This is not a joke!”

“Of course not, I’m totally serious.”

Harlock must have looked at him just as incredulously as he felt himself.

“Don’t you get it? It’s all I’ve ever wanted: to be with you as long as I can. Now you don’t have to worry about outliving me. It won’t matter how long our plans would take! We both can see it through!”

How could he say that so lightly? Harlock’s hands balled into fists by his side.

“This is not the time nor the place to have this conversation. Let’s have you cleaned up first.”

They spent the rest of the shower in a heavy silence. Harlock refused to think about anything and ignored all the looks Yama sent him, concentrating on helping him out whenever he needed it. The boy gave up any attempt at communicating after a while, but he was fidgeting all the while Harlock washed his hair.

It could have been a nice way to spend some time together, if only it wasn’t for the revelation Harlock made. Drying up was an equally quiet process and even the sight of Yama wearing his clothes couldn’t quite get Harlock’s mood out of the gutter.

After leaving the bathroom Harlock had all intention to get dressed and leave Yama to his sleep. He got as far as putting on a pair of underwear and an undershirt when Yama stepped up to him and tugged on the cloth Harlock pulled over his head a moment earlier.

“Would you stay with me?” He was behind Harlock, so he couldn’t see him, but the uncertainty in his voice was enough to weaken Harlock’s resolve. Harlock cursed inwardly and the refusal was on the tip of his tongue when he realised, he was doing it again. Walking out on the situation and feelings he didn’t want to deal with. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He posed the question to himself: what was it that he truly wanted? Sit around by himself and drink, while doing his best to ignore the rest of the world? Wander aimlessly on the ship like the ghost he thought he was?

He turned to look at Yama. He was staring at the floor in front of his feet, his fingers still fisted in Harlock’s shirt.

No. Harlock didn’t want to be alone. The admission was liberating and terrifying at the same time.

He took Yama’s wrist, pulling it away from his shirt and used it to guide him toward the bed. It wasn’t made (it never was, another benefit of being captain and having his own quarters; he always found making the bed a complete waste of time), so he just straightened out the bed sheet so they could get under it. When he laid down he looked up to see Yama climb in after him, all his previous hesitation gone.

It took them some time to find a comfortable position that was also good for Yama’s shoulder, the whole ordeal was ridiculous. Harlock wasn’t used to being physically so close to someone, yet the feeling he had as Yama rested his head on his shoulder and his arm around the boy was almost overwhelming. For the first time in a long while he felt… good. But of course it wouldn’t last.

“Why are you so angry about this?”

Harlock closed his eye for a few moments. He would have loved to avoid this conversation for now, or well, forever, but he knew Yama enough to know he wouldn’t let it go.

“You don’t understand the full consequences of what’s happening to you.”

“Why don’t you tell me then?” Yama asked with a hint of frustration in his voice.

“It’s not just the immortality. You will be bound to the ship. The more time passes the dark matter will be the only thing keeping your body alive. Without it…” he couldn’t finish it.

“But you knew this was happening. When you said the ship accepted me…”

“It’s too soon. I never planned to see it happen.” A heavy silence followed his admission.

“Do you still feel that way?” Yama raised his head, looking up at him with pain and too much hope in his eye.

“No,” it was nothing more than a whisper, but it was enough. Yama pushed himself up to press his lips to Harlock’s. Harlock let himself linger by the touch, bask in Yama’s closeness, to breathe his scent in.

“Then why not spend the eternity with me?” There was a small smile on Yama’s face, yet Harlock knew he meant what he said.

“Eternity is a very long time; a lot can change.”

“Are you worrying about me changing or you?”

“You have no idea what time can do to people.”

“So you rather throw away everything, because you’re afraid of the future?”

“I am the man who was willing to burn down the universe to erase his sins.”

Yama just stared at him for a few moments then dropped his head down on Harlock’s shoulder.

“Drama queen,” he muttered under his breath. “I meant what I said. I want to stay with you, for as long as I can.”

“It’s not that simple!” Harlock snapped making Yama look at him again.

“Is it not? Why don’t we worry about those changes _if_ they actually happen?”

Harlock didn’t know what to say to that. Could it be really that simple?

He didn’t know and to be honest at the moment he was too worn out to think about it. He decided to let the issue rest for now and pushed Yama’s head back down on his shoulder, tightening his hold around him. He felt content at the moment and he allowed himself to enjoy it for now.

He listened as the boy’s breathing evened out and tried to drift off himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say last time something about them being in a honeymoon phase? Oops? :D I swear to every god they are doing it on their own. :D  
> I still have a few chapters to go and I hope it won't take so long to post the next one. Thanks for reading! <3


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